Here I am, in a Little Journal 
After two entire months of working SEVEN days a week, I was finally given a day off of work. It was the first time I woke up without an alarm, moved at my own pace, and left the house when I felt like it.
At some point, I felt that I should just stay home and sleep all day, but I also thought that it was just one day, so I should spend it wisely.
I grabbed fresh air in Ateneo, and left with a healing heart. I spent some time in the Fine Arts Office, consulting my thesis mentor about certain decisions I had to make within the day. I know that it’s not part of her job anymore to tell me what I should do, so I really appreciate how I’m being given time and advice without being asked for anything in return. At the end of it, what she told me made sense. It wasn’t a straight “yes” or a “no,” but being guided towards the sensible answer was more than enough.
Went to MVP to tinker with a friend’s new Kindle and to share some books. Decided to stay for a bit at their rehearsal as well. It was amazing, seeing new people learning a song that I taught on my first stint as music director for blueREP. Even more amazing, the one teaching them was a blueREP newbie when I first did music direction. Thinking about it now sends shivers down my spine. Time isn’t flying too fast, it’s steady! I’m just having a hard time keeping up, I guess.
Then headed to Sec C Foyer where the Bare cast was rehearsing. I also got to talk to someone I look up to and was given the help and enlightenment that I needed. I was told that my decision was neither right nor wrong, it’s actually just my perspective of it that makes it right or wrong. I see the point quite clearly, but I don’t know if I’m ready to accept that.
I got to the Church of the Gesu just in time for my third and last consultation for the day - with my God. I went in and saw familiar faces, batch mates from high school, batch mates from college, I even saw Fr. Ben and almost made the sign of the cross when I walked past him! See, I don’t really like going to church, and I don’t go to church on Sundays. I only pray to my God where I want to and when I want to, because I find going to mass too distracting an environment. However, I got used to completing the Simbang Gabi at the Gesu because for some reason, I get to focus and actually pray there.
I found myself crying when the mass started, during the homily, and while praying during communion. I guess I just felt that things were very different the last time I spent Simbang Gabi there. I guess I felt that too much change happened in a span of a year, and I was just thankful that I was given the chance to spend a day in a place that gave me comfort. Somehow, I felt that I was home and I was given a chance to be with people who made me feel important, cared for and loved. I knew then and there that I just had to be thankful, even if it was given to me for just one night. After two months of being in the workplace, consuming lunch at 6pm, working for seven days straight, I just marveled at the fact that I was given at least a day to get a taste of the life that I knew I had, and wished that I had it for longer.
At the end of it all, and at 2:31am after everything that transpired during the day, I cannot help but long for the home that I knew. At the same time, I am so, so thankful that I was given a few hours and that I spent that time for myself. I don’t know if I have given too much, but going home to Ateneo meant so much more than getting a 13th month pay. That kind of happiness and gratitude is something that money can never buy, and it’s something I would love to experience more often.
I really hope that I could go back home real soon! I also pray that I would endure everything that’s about to come.
Indeed, everything is easier when you’re home. I may have learned that the hard and painful way.
